It's been a rather long time since I last posted. I could fill hundreds of hundreds of pages with the adventures I've been on in the past two years, and someday I may just do that. But for now, I'll give you the short update for short attention spans.
I graduated college. I moved to Florida. I married the love of my life. I became a mother to a bouncy, chattery, absolutely perfect 5 year old. I moved back to the edge of Georgia and I got a dog and I moved my two cats out of the only home they've ever known and into the house with the bouncy 5 year old and the dog and the man with big stompy feet that terrifies my cats..
All of these drastic changes in such a short time period has been interesting to adjust to, to say the least. I went from being a single college girl to being a full-time Mama, but if you can believe it, that was actually the easiest adjustment. Oh yes, 5 year olds and college students are very similar indeed. I have had a lot of practice over my last four years at UGA saying the phrases "Please don't throw up on the rug," "The bathroom is right there," "Crayons are not supposed to go in your mouth," "If you fall asleep chewing that gum, you will get it in your hair," and "Do not play with the electrical socket." Another strikingly similar aspect between 5 year olds and college students is the food they consider to be essential food groups. Both will eat pizza until they barf just so they can eat more pizza twenty minutes later. They scoff at the idea of water and will try to sneak as many sugary, caffeinated drinks as they can. Burping and farting are also the same level of hilarity to both 5 year olds and college students. They're practically the same creature.
Which brings me to the part of parenthood I was least prepared for-- the weirdness. My daughter will occasionally come out with the absolute craziest nonsense I have ever heard in my life, and I went to a liberal college.
This has sparked a long running joke between my husband and I: Who Said It? A Drunk College Kid Or A Five Year Old?
He will come home from work and I'll spout off the day's quote, and he has to figure out if I'm recalling it from my college memories or if it was something that was actually said to me during our daily activities. Sometimes he gets them right. But sometimes it's impossible to tell. Now you get to join in the fun!
Read the quotations below and see if you can figure it out! Answers below the cut.
1) "You... You look like a bird in the sun."
2) "Look at those. Look at those wild vines growing out of your head."
3) "Have you ever eaten a pinecone?"
4) "Are we waffles?"
5) "What's your favorite song? Mine's Life."
6) "If I close my eyes, I know that I am truly the Master of this place."
7) "Your eyes are so green... like sapphires!"
8) "Oh no! What happened? I can't see your beautiful face."
9) "Oh man! I forgot how to read!"
10) "This is disgusting. I won't eat it!" *food is covered in ketchup* "Hey! It's my favorite food!"
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Are you ready for the answers?
1) This was my daughter, deep in thought after my husband asked her what she was looking at.
2) This was my daughter this morning as I was brushing my hair.
3) This was a college friend of mine who had gotten a little, ah, inebriated at a party. He then took a bite of the pinecone he was holding and I had to snatch it away and say "Don't eat that!"
4) This was my daughter. She looked at me with a deadly serious face. I was stunned for a moment, and then said "What if we were? Would our blood be maple syrup?" She nodded solemnly at me and then I plunked her in the bathtub.
5) This was a poor attempt at picking me up in a bar.
6) This was my daughter upon trying to beat the boss of a temple in the Legend of Zelda. She calls the bosses "Masters" and she was giving herself a pep talk by reminding herself that she is the true Master. I walked in for the last bit.
7) This was another poor attempt at picking me up in a bar.
8) This was my daughter after I accidentally leaned on the lights in the bathroom, shutting them off.
9) This was another inebriated friend when he was trying to figure out how much alcohol content was in his new drink.
10) Trick question! This is both!! It's amazing what both kids and college students will eat once it's drowned in tomato blood. Gross.
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It's astounding sometimes what her brain comes up with and her mouth comes out with, but keeping me on my toes is just one of the things I love most about her. I remember having a conversation with my favorite professor a couple of years ago about how I was so afraid that I would have dull kids. He assured me I would not have dull kids, and then he said "Kids are only dull when you force them to be." My daughter is the brightest, funniest, and definitely the most entertaining kid I have ever met, and I can't wait to watch her grow into a bright, funny, entertaining adult. Until then, I'll savor the years I have, and I think I'll keep a complete record of all the crazy things she decides to spout out so that I can remind her of all of it at a most convenient time for me. Oh, say... her high school graduation, maybe.
I'm evil. But that's the adjective I was most looking forward becoming as a parent. Mwahaha.
-SM
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